it's hard to believe everything that you hear

Three. Two. One.

NANOWRIMO.

Let the games begin.

Ganked from rikkitsune and vashka_kat: The first FIVE people to comment in this post get to request a drabble of ANY pairing/character of their choosing (of ANY fandom) from me (with a prompt, if it pleases you to give me one). In return, they have to post this in their journal, regardless of their ability level.

I don't feel like revising my novel right now, so I am looking for a suitable distraction, and that looks like a good one. Bring it on, yo.

AUGH. AUGH AUGH.

I.......repostedFairest.

The hypocrisy... it stings.

But oh, I did so miss being loved.

Woke up with food poisoning today. Managed to get that mostly out of my system, and then I went to work.

Effective today, Borders employees throughout the midwest are no longer allowed to have drinks out on the sales floor. That includes water. It is clutter, and it offends our new zone vice president. Also, we are not allowed to have posters or similar decorations on the walls in employee-only areas, because surely we are putting them up on the clock and wasting company time frivolously.

Right. And walking halfway across the building to get a drink of freaking water from the fountains is not a frivolous waste of time. I had decorated my office, last year, on my own time, because that room is sad and white. Now it is sad and white again, as is the breakroom and all the desks and the employee cubbies and the wall next to the lockers where we kept photos of our Harry Potter release party from TWO YEARS AGO.

I'm done with this.

FUCK FUCK I JUST SENT A QUERY

OHGODOHGODOHGOD

THEY'RE GONNA SAY NO OH CHRIST ON A CUPCAKE

eta: SENT ANOTHER. INCREASED CHANCES OF FAIL OHGOD

I did it.

This chapter is going to be the death of me.

I hate it ever so much.

I'm on my last rewrite chapter and then I'm done.

And of course. OF COURSE. This would be the chapter in which I have to scrap basically everything and explain How Magic Works. This is so annoying. I'm going to have a hell of a time keeping this beast at 90K words.

But really. After this chapter, no more big rewrites. For serious. And I am finishing this tonight. I'm quite ready to be done now.

I'm killing my darlings and it's horrible.

It's for the sake of coherency, I tell myself. I don't need a protracted mud-battle for the sake of unresolved sexual tension. That's what the bath scene is for. But oh, I really wanted a surly flirty mud-battle. It's for the sake of a conservative wordcount that I do this, because every other chapter that's gotten a significant revision has only gotten longer, and this is quite long enough.

But now, it's taking what used to be four longish chapters and making them three shortish chapters, and it is unpleasant. I am not sure how to chop them up differently, and it is uncomfortable. It is like foot fungus. Or something.

So I'm doing this big giant edit. Like, superbig edit. Removed characters, situations, and then decided, Hey, maybe I should completely change my hero's characterization. I've done him a disservice by making him a well-meaning idiot for the sake of a temporary plot convenience, so why not fix that. So now he's Just Freaking Adorable. It makes Sense that my heroine would fall for him, because he is a legitimately charming prince. She has no earthly reason to dislike him.

And that's the problem.

As those of you who have read this are aware, my heroine initially dislikes the hero, because I needed a Red Herring to distract people from the fact that I don't adhere to the fairytale. And now.... She has no earthly reason to dislike him. So she can't. So I'm rewriting at least one chapter from the ground up, AND IT'S HARD, DAMNIT.

Why do I do this to myself?


ETA: Oh raptures. I am in fact ripping apart and reassembling and possibly using next to none of chapters 13-16. FAIL.

We have the goddamned internet.

Missed my goddamn deadline.

Helped the goddamned roomies clean out their old apartment.

Hungry. Angry. TIRED.

EDITING.

SO HARD. SO MUCH HATE.

(On the upside, I have all my roomies now, but) THIS SUCKS SO MUCH.

How the hell will I have this insurmountable edit done by Friday?

Updated my FF profile.

Posted some old stuff from here that I rediscovered waiting on my harddrive.

And I have officially made it official that I'm working on that HP thing. I posted the title and the teaser. Wretched fandom has sucked me in. Damnit.

Stealing internets from wherever I can, so now I post from the cool refreshing Starbucks where I am hoping to get hired.

My grandmother is officially dying. It looks like she's in the real downhil slide, and she is taking this time to completely alienate every member of her family save for her youngest (vastly psychotic) daughter. I went to see her on Saturday. She acknowledged my presence for five minutes, and spent the next four and a half hours bitching about her family, most of whom were present, to her hospice nurses.

Apparently we are all opportunistic vultures who hate her and we are trying actively to kill her (the only person who IS happens to be her youngest daughter, ironically) and she is an aggrieved victim and somehow the fact that she has total organ failure is all our fault. Really. And also, because she can, she is rewriting her will so that nearly everything goes to her youngest, and it seems her primary motive is to emotionally wound my mother and other aunt. She is succeeding.

My grandma is a mean angry old decaying bitch. I no longer feel like a bad person for hoping she passes on soon. She doesn't want to die, but clearly she's not happy to be alive. So that is that.


Also, I have a new deadline, per the coworker who really wants to read my book. I need to be finished by the 13th. Anybody have some free time around then that wants to give me a readthrough?

What. The. Fuck.

If there is a hell, I am surely going to it.

My grandmother is in the hospital. You know, the one whose organs all failed years ago who won't be taken to the hospital unless it's her cold dead body being taken to the morgue? She's in the hospital. Internal bleeding. Which is oh so nasty given that she's been on blood thinners since forever.

So this might be IT. We've been wrong before, but she's probably going to die this summer.

I'm going to hell because I'm kind of relieved. I feel guilty as hell for (kind of) wanting her to die, but not enough to want her to continue decaying for another two years.

The apartment is... better.

The first night was rough, but I think maybe once the rest of the roomies move in with the furniture it will be livable. Until then, though, WE HAVE NO INTERNET, AND I HAVE BEEN DYING.

OH SHIT I'M ACTUALLY MOVING OUT.

CHRIST ON A POGO STICK, THIS IS IT.
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